Alone for Christmas

“We can make peace with the fact that sorrow and celebration can coexist together in a heart quite authentically. Mixing them together is part of the recipe of life.
We can sit with and tend to all that still needs to be healed and at the same time laugh, plan for great things ahead, and declare this a glorious day.
To have both sorrow and celebration in our heart isn’t denial. It’s deeming life a gift—even if it looks nothing like we thought it would right now.
Our sorrows make our hearts more tender and allow us to grieve. Our celebrations tend to our heart’s need to recognize what is beautiful about our life, get back up, and go on.
Let’s embrace the mix of all that’s worthy of celebration while fully allowing sorrow to add what it brings as well—knowing we can trust Jesus’ recipe of purpose in both the pain and joy.”
~ Seeing Beautiful Again, Author Lysa Terkeurst

I often reflect on the life I once had, especially around the holidays. I cherish memories of my husband, our two kids, our home in the suburbs, neighborhood gatherings, and cherished traditions. Watching Christmas through my kids’ eyes was pure joy. We decorated the Christmas tree, lit up the yard with decorations, hung stockings for Santa, visited him, drove around to see Christmas lights, and baked cookies together. Now that my kids are grown and I’m navigating life post-divorce, the past feels surreal. Yet, I embrace the reality of those memories and honor the loss.

This Christmas, I will be alone. My oldest daughter will celebrate with her husband’s family, and my youngest will stay in Kansas with her fiancé, Jose, and their furry companions. While I plan to connect with my bonus daughter, Morgan, no plans are set just yet. This year’s holiday season feels different, inviting me to focus on the positives rather than indulge in self-pity. I could wallow or intrude on one of my daughters’ gatherings, yet I choose instead to embrace solitude, which has brought me clarity and strength. There are many possibilities ahead, and who knows—this may turn out to be my best Christmas yet! Though I feel the tug of my heart missing my kids, it’s a testament to my love as a mother.

This year has been challenging, marked by job loss, financial struggles, and health concerns. Yet, amidst these trials, I’ve discovered joy. Merri brings happiness into my life every day! I’ve chosen to reclaim my autonomy by becoming my own boss, allowing me the freedom to work as I please. I’ve transformed my home into a sanctuary of comfort and peace. I surround myself with friends and family who offer love and support, and I celebrate my kids’ health and happiness. I have so much to be thankful for!

Lysa TerKeurst’s insights resonate deeply. In her book “Seeing Beautiful Again: 50 Devotions to Find Redemption in Every Part of Your Story,” she writes about the coexistence of sorrow and celebration. It’s through sorrow that we learn to appreciate life’s true gifts. While I acknowledge my sorrow, I also allow myself to celebrate amidst it.

Gifting brings me immense joy, especially when it comes to pillows! I have a collection of favorites that makes me smile. Recently, I found pillows on Amazon with the heartfelt message “Miles Apart, Close at Heart,” which truly reflects my life. I’ll be sharing these as gifts this Christmas, complete with heart-shaped pins to mark where my loved ones are, spread across Florida, Kansas, and Minnesota.

Another wonderful gift is the LuvLink Infinity Friendship Lamp, which beautifully connects me with loved ones across the globe. Just placing a hand in the ring sends a glowing message to the other lamp, letting them know I’m thinking of them. The lamps require no cords or subscriptions, allowing limitless color options to express warm sentiments like “good night” or “I love you.” This is a gift that fosters connection!

In addition to gifts, we will continue to FaceTime, text, and call during the holidays. This season will be unlike any I’ve experienced before, so I plan to treat myself with special meals and a nice bottle of wine. I will enjoy my favorite Christmas movies and take time to reflect on the miracle of Jesus’s birth, celebrating the incredible gift of salvation we’ve received.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with joy and moments of quiet reflection amid the busyness of this time.

“Solitude is a reminder that sometimes, stepping away from the buzz, the constant connections, the stimulation overload is not just a luxury, but a necessity to be brighter and stronger than before. Solitude isn’t about isolation or loneliness. It’s a sacred space, It’s a place where you can shed the layers you wear for the world, be completely yourself, and reconnect with your deepest needs and desires. It’s like taking off a mask and letting your true face breathe. And remember, coming back from solitude isn’t about retreating from the world forever. It’s about returning with renewed energy, a clearer perspective, and a deeper understanding of yourself.” Written by: Lalah Delia  Artist Credit: Akira Kusaka

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