“This post is incredibly powerful and relatable. Overcoming past traumas and breaking free from toxic relationships or self-doubt takes immense courage and resilience.
It’s amazing that you’ve come out stronger on the other side, recognizing your worth and choosing to prioritize happiness. Your words will surely inspire others who may be going through similar struggles.
What helped you most during your healing journey? Was there a specific moment, person, or experience that gave you the strength to walk away and start anew?”
This post from the Facebook group “Don’t Be Hard on Yourself” hit home for me recently and made me think about the last six years since my divorce. Six years ago today, I was served divorce papers by my husband, just before my birthday. I’ll never forget the server apologizing as he handed me the papers and walked away. By that point, my husband had already moved out without even saying goodbye. It was such a weird time. I was eager to get a divorce, but we had never even talked about it together. He’d been ignoring me for almost eight years.
He set up camp in the basement, which used to be our oldest daughter’s room, and even put a lock on the door that needed a key. I never went down there, but I guess he thought that was necessary. Later, I found out he was having yet another affair and had moved in with his girlfriend from work. Most of his affairs seemed to start that way since he was hardly ever home. When he was around, he’d shut himself in his room, playing video games and drinking whiskey while the girls and I lived our lives in the rest of the house. For some strange reason, that started to feel normal, even though it clearly wasn’t.
Around 2009, I started embracing life as a single mom when I realized he wasn’t interested in me or our family. I fought hard to get him to join us on family outings and adventures, but his answer was always, “I can’t. I have to work.” I had been a stay-at-home mom since 2004. He focused on his job while I took care of the family, and that setup worked for us… until it didn’t. He was miserable, and eventually so was I, especially when the girls went back to school. Summers were fantastic, but during the school year, I got bored. I wanted to work, but I couldn’t find any jobs that offered hours from 8:45 AM to 2:00 PM and gave me the flexibility I needed to be there for my girls after school. I decided to make it work, and I’m so glad I did. My daughters and I made amazing memories growing up—he missed all of it.
Our marriage was a mess, and we both played a role in that. We finalized our divorce on December 18, 2018. Those early days of separation were a rollercoaster of pain and happiness, which was confusing. But as time went on, I discovered so much about myself. One big lesson that helped me heal was understanding that marriage and divorce aren’t black and white; they’re very personal experiences. Giving myself permission to grieve and heal was the best thing I could do for myself, and I’m still on that journey, maybe always will be.
One book that really helped me in the beginning was “How to Mend Your Broken Heart: Overcome Emotional Pain at the End of a Relationship” by Paul McKenna, Ph.D., and Hugh Willbourn, Ph.D. I definitely recommend it for anyone going through a divorce. The main point of the book is to help you deal with the pain you’re feeling and guide you towards whatever comes next. I’ve got plenty of resources to share down the road, so stay tuned for more…
This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Please see my Disclosure Statement here.
Image and beginning post taken from Facebook Group “Don’t be hard on yourself”.